radfam

shodhiniinstitute: Our very own PATI GARCIA, CHULA DOULA...

Sat, 18 May 2013 00:43:35 -0400

Our very own PATI GARCIA, CHULA DOULA sharing some knowledge <3

lalobalocaart:

NOT YOUR MAMA’S SEX ED

Awesome short <3 on gender, sexuality, queerness/transness and SHODHINI INSTITUTE in the house!

operation queer radfam

Sat, 18 May 2013 00:32:50 -0400

the radfam discussion group has been happening for a year and a half. in keeping with the joyous rituals of spring, it’s time to queer the fuck out of it.

some people use the term “queer” as a verb, meaning, to make something more tricky, critical, and dangerous to the norms and assumptions of a hierarchical society.

here are some of the ideas for radical change that have generated interest: leaving facebook, shifting the focus to storytelling, sharing phone numbers and agreeing to receive texts when someone needs support, joining up with other efforts or radical care groups, and going on hiatus for a while to see in what new form radfam might arise.

please use this page to say how you feel about these options, or to suggest totally different ones. please stay in a creative spirit and don’t shoot down other people’s ideas.

the description for the group is below, in case that is helpful in some way.

radfam is a discussion group in minneapolis where you don’t have to justify your definition of family. the nuclear, biological family is not the norm here. instead, we are interested in promoting individual autonomy in defining what family means. we discuss issues that are at the intersection of families and social justice. we are committed to supporting reproductive justice, queer politics and radical family planning, recognizing that these are concepts to be talked about and negotiated in community. we we are interested in including, not excluding you so if there is something that raises a question for you or if you’d like to make
a suggestion, feel free to reach us at radfamilies@gmail.com.

The DIY Couturier: 21 Tips to Keep Your Shit Together When You're Depressed.

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 11:04:00 -0400

The DIY Couturier: 21 Tips to Keep Your Shit Together When You're Depressed.:

i agree with all of this except the part about not wearing sweatpants. i staunchly defend sweatpants and all comfort clothes.

rosalindrobertson:

i agree with all of this except the part about not wearing sweatpants. i staunchly defend sweatpants and all comfort clothes.

A while ago, I penned a fairly angry response to something circulating on the internet – the 21 Habits of Happy People. It pissed me off beyond belief, that there was an inference that if you weren’t Happy, you simply weren’t doing the right things.

I’ve had depression for as long as I can…

blog post on queer genealogy with a reply from my mom

Sat, 06 Apr 2013 00:02:59 -0400

i sent this to my mom, and she replied with her version…

the fad of looking up your ancestors seems like the most innocent thing in the world. someone wants to know more about their family, so they look up some historical records and find out some new information. but there are some problematic patterns in how a lot of us white folks are doing genealogy right now, and i’m interested in thinking about alternatives.

my biological grandfather on my mother’s side (i have many other grandfathers) got into genealogy ten years ago. he gave us a lot of information about his dad’s dad’s dad, and many other men going back hundreds of years. nothing about women, and nothing about my grandmother’s side. she had died years earlier, and he had married someone new. there was nothing about the native americans who were mentioned now and then, or the african american slave who my mom said was mentioned in a very disturbingly brief and casual way. did my ancestors own slaves? i have no idea. but whether they did or not, slavery contributed directly to my opportunities as a white person, to the job i have now, and the spare time my comfortably retired grandfather uses to do genealogy research.

i am aware that white folks sometimes say we are related to native people and use that story to benefit us. i’m aware that i don’t know very much about who my biological ancestors were, and that my grandfather made choices to avoid difficult conversations.

but i think some genealogy can be really awesome. for people who have been historically oppressed it is a huge deal to reclaim the history that was stolen from them. i saw an amazing documentary years ago (forgot the name, wish i remembered it) made by a lesbian daughter about her dad and other queer ancestors. she had to do so much research to uncover their queerness.

i’m thinking now about my great aunt j., whose partner was a woman. i met her a few times when i was little and i remember she was a fashionista and she had a great smile.

and what about the hidden ancestors? the ones who were incarcerated and stigmatized, mentioned quickly or not at all?

b., my grandpa’s sister, was a strong, rebellious woman who was stigmatized and cut out of the family because she “slept around.” i stand with her in her rebellion and claim her as my ancestor, maybe closer to me than my grandfather, even though i never met her.

my dad’s dad fled the pogroms in balin, ukraine in 1913. he was four years old. i emailed my dad today about our cousin s., who was incarcerated since he was a teenager. our other cousin a. used to visit him once a year.

my genealogy would be about the difficult conversations, but also the reclamation and queering of family. the concepts of heritage and blood have done so much damage. it’s like genealogy is a tool for congratulating ourselves and erasing the atrocities.

to the radical genealogists out there: i’d love to join together in an anti-genealogy that shows how i am connected to you and holds our feet to the fire in the right way. the information we find will be resources for being the big queerfamilies we want to be.

and then my mom wrote:

Sounds good. Actually Dad went to North Carolina to find out about this female slave, last name Dee, we are related to. It was a few years ago, and I half remember a conversation with him where I was happy we had genetic diversity in the family, but he corrected me, I didnt get it. She was a slave, not a pretty picture he said. Also, another obliterated person is a murderer apparently, someone in our family is that, I do not know who. Family ties. I do not speak to my Dad now, not over this, just because he tends to yell and harass me when we talk. I don’t have the gift of turning it aside without paying a price. I don’t speak to my brother who sexually abused my younger sister, because he won’t admit to it and say sorry. Also for his attempt on me, which didnt work because I was bigger. I dont speak to the second brother whose drinking gets in the way. It’s not a statement “I won’t speak with you” but just not speaking because I don’t want the ancient pointless tapes to play in my head and waste my life. I would like to know more about the murderer though. I am betting it was a man, and that drinking had something to do with it. So I don’t know about “big“ queer families, my personal family has shrunk. But maybe it is big in another way.

I go to work on a dark day, and in marches my brother-like colleague, “dont go away until I talk with you” he sings out. and tells me the best his mind has worked on, several new books to think about and a plan for a new major to hatch. Connects me with an interesting person to talk to later in the day. My genetic sister I am taking a break from as she seems to attack me just for stress relief but a younger woman from works brings me a mango smoothie, beautiful and orange and almost frozen, its sweet ice calms the hot edges of my temporarily broken heart. With a sister’s caring hand she delivers the unexpected gift. And about that heart.

I tried to build a new extension of my family with a new husband. Somehow my heritage made me blind to the fact he refused to share expenses with me, that he was not honest about other women, but worst of all was a drag on my attempts to use my wings to fly. Family building skills. With this man, my skills were damaged. He would love to keep the connection with me: why not? I pay for everything, and do not hold him accountable. I am sure from hisfamily background, this is th ideal wife. His dad by the way keeps dvds of Nazi’s and plays them at top volume to make a point. What is the point? Who is he attacking by his loud tv bouts? Any way I have pruned back my familytree, the hundreds of thousands of hours spent in this context, a bushel of sick shit most families have. Maybe families are about money, now days. A lot of my students have majors they don’t want and wont be good at because their parents “love” them and since they are paying the bills, the child has to do what they say, because if you get the good salary that’s all that families will recognize as important.

Day before yesterday my Dad came to town for cancer tests in the hospital where I had my mastectomy. I did not offer him a place to stay or even talk to him. He didn’t talk to me when I was going through stuff. maybe neither of us learned how quickly enough to make it work. It only works when I bleed out all love for him, and he shits on me, so I won’t do it any more. Even if i am a woman and I am supposed to give love. But I am a woman and I can shut off the flow too. Its my love to give or to keep.

Just some more thoughts for you. Love, Mom

family planning is political in every way

Sun, 27 Jan 2013 23:17:11 -0500

just a few examples of how family planning is political in every way:

population activists use climate change to argue for restrictions on numbers of children per family in the global south.

different kinds of birth control is offered to different groups of people. in the US, there are records of forced sterilizations of native americans up until 1979. depo provera and other long term birth control was offered disproportionately to people of color (it probably still happens, but there was a lawsuit so it happens somewhat less now). in israel, the same thing is happening to ethiopian immigrants now.

fat people who request reproductive health care are often assumed to have conditions related to obesity, regardless of whether their symptoms reflect this, and regardless of whether there is another condition present that provides a better explanation of symptoms. they often get the wrong treatment as a result.

thin, middle class white women who say they don’t want kids still face negative responses and repeated pressure from friends, family, and medical professionals.

Photo

Sat, 19 Jan 2013 10:59:13 -0500

for all families

Thu, 03 Jan 2013 20:10:59 -0500

the awesomeness of twin cities families can no longer be squelched! party to celebrate is tomorrow 5-8 pm at minnehaha free space.

Photo

Sat, 10 Nov 2012 01:30:32 -0500

on the bus

Fri, 05 Oct 2012 23:09:12 -0400

today i was on the bus and the driver said we needed to stop to wait for the police. a police car showed up, and two officers came into the bus, grabbed a woman and forced her off the bus. her kid screamed. then another police officer took her kid away. they said the woman had mentioned a gun or insinuated she might have a gun. i didn’t hear what was said.

i followed them and got the badge number of one of the police officers. the other passengers didn’t understand why i had a problem with it. they said he was doing his job. the police officer had tears in his eyes when i talked to him.

i’m thinking about civility. you know those people who love civility? they always talk about how great it is, and if everyone were civil the world would be a better place. the doctrine of civility says that woman was the threat, and the police were responding to remove the threat, they were helping us. when i was talking to people on the bus after this incident i was not being civil. i am not civil. like that woman, i will speak up to protect my family or someone else’s family against state violence.

looking back, i think i would have asked if she wanted me to come with her in the police car that took her away. i would have understood if she had said no, or said nothing, because she was in the middle of trying to get her kid back from them.

i hope over time i learn more ways to resist what’s wrong.

outforequity: Happy LGBTQ History Month! Everyday we’ll post...

Mon, 01 Oct 2012 12:20:33 -0400

outforequity:

Happy LGBTQ History Month! Everyday we’ll post about another great LGBTQ leader in our community. Today we celebrate Alice Walker, fabulous activist & author. Her internationally known book The Color Purple has been translated into more then two dozen languages, turned into an award winning movie & broadway play.

http://www.lgbthistorymonth.com/alice-walker

Tue, 11 Sep 2012 00:07:07 -0400

jessehimself

Sat, 08 Sep 2012 17:49:18 -0400

jessehimself

from oneandonlygabriel: I took the liberty to translate the...

Mon, 27 Aug 2012 23:00:22 -0400

from oneandonlygabriel:

I took the liberty to translate the text.

Because his son likes to wear skirts Nils Pickert started with it as well. After all, the little one needs a role model. And he thinks long skirts with elastic bands suit him quite well anyways. A story about two misfits in the Province of southern Germany.

My five year old son likes to wear dresses. In Berlin Kreuzberg that alone would be enough to get into conversation with other parents. Is it wise or ridiculous? „Neither one nor the other!“ I still want to shout back at them. But sadly they can’t hear me any more. Because by now I live in a small town in South Germany. Not even a hundred thousand inhabitants, very traditional, very religious. Plainly motherland. Here the partiality of my son are not only a subject for parents, they are a town wide issue. And I did my bit for that to happen.

Yes, I’m one of those dads, that try to raise their children equal. I’m not one of those academic daddies that ramble about gender equality during their studies and then, as soon as a child’s in the house, still relapse into those fluffy gender roles: He’s finding fulfilment in his carrier and she’s doing the rest.

Thus I am, I know that by now, part of the minority that makes a fool of themselves from time to time. Out of conviction.

In my case that’s because I didn’t want to talk my son into not wearing dresses and skirts. He didn’t make friends in doing that in Berlin already and after a lot of contemplation I had only one option left: To broaden my shoulders for my little buddy and dress in a skirt myself. After all you can’t expect a child at pre-school age to have the same ability to assert themselves as an adult. Completely without role model. And so I became that role model.

We already had skirt and dress days back then during mild Kreuzbergian weather. And I think long skirts with elastic bands suit me quite well anyways. Dresses are a bit more difficult. There was either no reaction of the people in Berlin or it was positive. In my small town in the south of Germany that’s a little bit different.

Being all stressed out, because of the moving I forgot to notify the nursery-school teachers to have an eye on my boy not being laughed at because of his fondness of dresses and skirts. Shortly after moving he didn’t dare to go to nursery-school wearing a skirt or a dress any more. And looking at me with big eyes he asked: “Daddy, when are you going to wear a skirt again?”

To this very day I’m thankful for that women, that stared at us on the street until she ran face first into a street light. My son was roaring with laugher. And the next day he fished out a dress from the depth of his wardrobe. At first only for the weekend. Later also for nursery-school.

And what’s the little guy doing by now? He’s painting his fingernails. He thinks it looks pretty on my nails, too. He’s simply smiling, when other boys ( and it’s nearly always boys) want to make fun of him and says: “You only don’t dare to wear skirts and dresses because your dads don’t dare to either.” That’s how broad his own shoulders have become by now. And all thanks to daddy in a skirt.

I hope it’s alright like this.

hey white straight folks

Wed, 18 Jul 2012 22:29:58 -0400

is the pressure killing you?

there is a normative model of family that is putting pressure on white straight folks to get into partnered relationships, adopt opposite gender roles, become parents, and compete with each other.

there is even more pressure that affects people who are not white and straight. but the pressure on some families to oppress others is the subject of this post.

the pressure to compete is so extreme that even white straight people who receive society’s approval are still stressing over whether they are good enough. the pressure to be in partnered relationships is so extreme that they can get into bad relationships or lose their will to leave abusive partners. the pressure to become parents is so extreme that sometimes they take other people’s children away from them. (this refers to shady adoptions and surrogacies, but not to all arrangements with non-bio kids)

colorlines just did a study finding that 5100 kids are in foster care in the US because their parents have been detained and deported. one judge terminated the rights of a guatemalan mother in favor of us citizens who wanted the kid. this is not uncommon.

a lot of these kids will end up with white, straight adoptive parents who are so desperate to become parents that might not want to know some of the problems of the legal system that make their adoption proceedings shady.

the overwhelming majority of adoptive parents who are able to complete adoption proceedings at the hands of the state in the US are white and in opposite-sex relationships. there are so many reasons for this, but one is the normative model of family that drives people in opposite-sex relationships into a frenzy to become parents. the systems and technologies that they use to become parents—fertility treatments, adoption—are not run in a way that is open to everyone. they are geared toward certain people.

the decision to be in a relationship, and the decision to parent, always affect entire communities. that means they can affect other families negatively. these decisions are normalized so that the oppression they create becomes normalized.

everyone should be able to choose what their family looks like, but what if your decision to parent takes away another parent’s kid?

anti-oppressivebabyanimals: [IMAGE DESCRIPTION: THREE TIGER...

Tue, 03 Jul 2012 17:37:03 -0400

anti-oppressivebabyanimals:

[IMAGE DESCRIPTION: THREE TIGER CUBS SIT WITH SCOWLS, ONE WITH MOUTH OPEN TO SHOUT DOWN ALL THE OPPRESSIVE BULLSHIT THAT HAPPENS DAILY. TEXT READS, “MY ANGER IS A LEGITIMATE REACTION TO THIS BULLSHIT.”]

anti-oppressivebabyanimals: [IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A BABY AFRICAN...

Tue, 03 Jul 2012 17:36:31 -0400

anti-oppressivebabyanimals:

[IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A BABY AFRICAN BULL ELEPHANT STANDS IN A FIELD OF GRASS, MOUTH OPEN & TRUNK EXTENDED. TEXT READS, “BABY ANIMALS FOR TRANS LIBERATION!”]

SUPPORT CECE MCDONALD!

PLEASE SEND A LETTER TO CECE WHILE SHE IS IN PRISON. LET HER (AND THE PRISON GUARDS) KNOW SHE HAS A HUGE AMOUNT OF COMMUNITY SUPPORT AND THAT WE’RE ALL HERE FOR HER.

GET THE DETAILS AND WRITE TO CECE: https://supportcece.wordpress.com/get-involved/write-cece/

GENERAL TIPS FOR WRITING TO SOMEONE WHO’S IN PRISON: http://www.prettyqueer.com/2012/05/04/how-to-write-your-first-letter-to-someone-in-prison/

SupportCeCe.wordpress.com

phone support

Sun, 17 Jun 2012 22:38:53 -0400

there are times in life when you have a ton of good friends on speed dial, and there are times when you don’t. i am fantasizing about a radical family issues support hotline. you know those places you call if you are thinking about suicide, if someone is abusing you, or just got a diagnosis…i used to call the cancer hotline when my mom had cancer, and now that she is healed i’m all like, i loved the cancer hotline. it felt so good to call and have someone who was totally on board for listening to me for however long i needed, and answering questions, and being honest when they didn’t know the answer. i can imagine something like this for folks with radical politics and chosen families who want to talk to someone about whatever is going on. i would love having two hours a week where i pick up the phone and truly listen to whoever calls me, with whatever issue they have, without judging them. what if we were all trained in the most effective ways to listen and support each other in difficult moments?

CeCe's sentencing hearing TOMORROW!

Sun, 03 Jun 2012 16:13:52 -0400

freececemcdonald:

CeCe McDonald’s Sentencing Hearing is this Monday at 1:00pm, please come PACK THE COURTROOM!

Then come to the Noise Demo for CeCe at the Hennipen County Jail in Mpls at 10pm.

Prisons as a tool for reproductive oppression of trans* people

Tue, 08 May 2012 00:33:20 -0400

thanks to reina for recommending this. it’s written by gabriel arkles of the sylvia rivera law project. for those who are interested in the history and current forms of eugenics, it tells a little bit of the background of the claim that prison rules are for “preventing pregnancy.” this is just a little bit of what cece mcdonald is dealing with inside the prison industrial complex. TRIGGER ALERT: the sexual violence of the prison system is communicated in words (but not images). http://srlp.org/prisons/reproductiveoppression

from thespiritwas: Dear Michael Freemen, We Cannot Live Without...

Mon, 07 May 2012 01:24:06 -0400

from thespiritwas:

Dear Michael Freemen,

We Cannot Live Without Our Lives! Free CeCe!

ps We Will Fight Back!

sincerely,

The Committee for Self Determination & Self Defense